Flashbacks

Call me crazy, but when my English professor pulled out white paper and crayons... my heart dropped. My one thought was 'Crap. I shoulda skipped today :/' Haha and yes, I was thinking a slanty face :P Not really. But I was probably making a slanty face.

Anyhow.

We were told to think back as far as we could remember and draw our earliest neighborhood. Accepting the fact that my drawing would be no masterpiece, I began drawing my old block. I was amazed at how many details I was able to recall once I got started. Names I haven't thought of in years came to mind, memories, smells.. I was surprised. The more I began to remember, the more I tried to draw. It was fascinating, I felt like I was a little kid again and everything in the world was so simple... I kind of loved it. Once we had our neighborhood maps drawn we were told to pick a single memory and just start writing about it. Nonstop, no editing, just writing. Holy.... I thought I had remembered all there was to remember, but DANG was I wrong. Once I started writing about a specific experience so many more details came back. It's true, some may have been slightly made up, blanks my mind was trying to fill in.. but the majority were solid.

I guess the point I'm trying to make is that even if we forget things from our past, they're still there. Sometimes all it takes is a little digging. It's super impressive what you're able to recall by doing such a simple thing like drawing a picture. 

On a completely different note... Tricking a trickster is tricky business. Just in case you were wondering :P

Perspective.

Once upon a time I intended to write this deep and thought-provoking post.. but it was late, so instead I jotted down some notes and told myself I'd expand on them later. Yeah.. its been a week and my thoughts have become rather jumbled since then, but I'll give it a shot.

Well. For one thing I've noticed that time has become a recurring theme in my posts as of late. But hey, reminders are good, right?

It became very clear to me last week that time is short and no matter how well you think you have a handle on life.. you don't know when time will run out. Life is a precious thing and I feel like it gets taken for granted. A lot. Don't waste the time you've been given. Don't just tell someone what they mean to you, show it. Say the words, but prove them with your actions. Why? Well, what if something happened and you never got the chance again? Seriously.. 

Priorities people. Keep ‘em straight. We take for granted all that we have.. life in and of itself is the gift of all gifts. Use yours wisely. Whether you throw pudding at a hobo or help a mugged guy.. serve your fellow man. Always. You have no idea what is going on in their life and you never know what a kind word or a bit of your time can do. The difference you can make... It's impossible for you to know the reality of the impact you have on another. It's not measured and you can't see it, but its there and most often the slightest of deeds can make the biggest difference to someone. I promise you that.

{Side note: This new Phillip Phillips cd.. The World From the Side of the Moon. Amazing. Best rejected Christmas present I've ever given.}

I have this friend, and for the sake of anonymity I'm going to call her Pam Breedwell. Just cuz I can :D Haha but anyway, I recently found out that she hates, absolutely hates, puzzles. It was because of this conversation I had with deary Pam that I made this little realization:

Life is a puzzle. Be patient and enjoy the journey. It doesn’t last so savor each piece, each moment and watch as your big picture unfolds. How the pieces begin to fit together and create something larger than themselves.. how the individual experiences join together to create you and the life you lead. It turns into a colorful canvas. 

And lastly...

Quotes. Nowadays there is so much bad in the world.. and yet despite that, there are still so many gems and wisdom words hidden throughout the bits of everyday life. The brilliant one liners in movies.. Lyrics in a song. Once you start paying attention you’ll find that there is so much to be found. Words you can relate to. Words that inspire. Words that you don't ever want to forget...

Time is short. Everything matters. Keep the eternal things in perspective and you'll find that the world seems a whole lot less bleak than it sometimes feels. 

Bits and Pieces

After 14 weeks I find myself amazed at what life has brought. I've always been scared of change. Little or big.. it's intimidating. The unknown is.. well, it's unknown. But you know what? I've come to realize that this big scary move to college.. it's not scary at all. 

Classes are over. It's finals week. And what am I thinking?? I can't stop thinking about how great college is. 

The friends I've made, the late night chats with Chels, the all-nighters, watching tv on my laptop in the dark with headphones in while Chels does the same 3 feet away, chillin in the living room socializing (Shleb, socialize? Crazy huh??), skyping a certain byu-goer, cooking my own meals (eating nothing but junk food), editing a friend's paper on a Friday night, the awful quotes that make it into 304's Quote Book, the random sticky notes from my roommates..

The more I think about it, the more I appreciate every moment that I've had here in Cedar. It's weird that my first semester is almost over.. so much has happened, and yet there is still so much in store.

Just Keep Swimming :D

Sometimes 2 of my best friends come down to Cedar for a swim meet. And sometimes I go watch and visit with them.

Easily the best way to spend my Friday afternoon.. surrounded by people I love from the place I call home. Was there a live Slender game being played on campus that I wanted to be a part of? Yeah, there was. Tell me this though. How often are my friends in town?? I've come to realize that my friends are high on my priority list. I would do almost anything for a friend in need. I love my friends. And as I've come to recently find out, my 3 best friends are all planning on leaving for missions. Don't get me wrong, I'm immensely proud of each of them and I know they'll be amazing servants to the Lord.. But  time suddenly means everything. Every minute I spend with them is a minute I will treasure and hold dear.

After the meet I found my Chlesh and joined her Slender group. I spotted the 3rd note... and then we died. The 2 Slenders ganged up on us :/ haha but I'm glad I got to play for a bit. The rest of the night was spent with Chlesh watching scary ghost movies and talking. All. Night. Long. I've been awake for 33 hours... And I've only had one coke today :D Haha :D This morning I went back to the Aquatic Center and cheered for my friends. Made some new ones as well. All in all, pretty much everything about today has been great.

The most important thing about today?? I want my friends to know that if they need anything I will be there. No matter what. What time, where I am.. It doesn't matter. I will do my best to help and support you, because you matter to me.

Slowing Down to Enjoy the Journey

Intentions get lost in the hustle and bustle of everyday life. Nothing happens and yet memories get left behind. Time goes by, people and situations change, you change. In the moment it feels like everything is back to how it was.. except it's not. Life is ever moving forward and all you can do is take it one step at a time.

I've come to realize that time is precious. With every passing day I see little things that make me happy, that make smile and laugh, those tiny seemingly insignificant bits of everyday life that in fact make up the high of my day are slowly fading from my memory. 

So here's to the memories. Lessons learned and time well spent.

Fall Break:

Road trip with my 5 Cent... ha definitely a much needed break for the both of us. Every bit of the 3 days was worth it. Only a handful of friends have seen that side of who I am.. and I wonder. What's it like to new eyes? The never-ending sage brush, hills, and mountains. The pastures speckled with hundreds of cattle and horses. The brilliant night sky, completely... perfect.  

FTX Field Training Exercise:

Plain and simple?? I feel like even though the majority of my military experience comes from a college class, I have gained enough to realize how much these men and women sacrifice for our country. Even the basics that I've been lucky enough to learn have taught me so much about the soldiers who fight for us. Their determination, courage and utmost strength and sense of sacrifice. It's an adventure and way of life that can be found nowhere else.. The stories I've heard, the atmosphere I feel when surrounded by military soldiers... Its amazing. I absolutely love it.

Also. I've discovered that when it comes to long/important trips... I don't like to be spontaneous. It stresses me out. I plan. Simple as that. Once upon a time I was in my kill me now class and I asked Nicole to come kill me. Or kidnap me. Either way.. that class is awful. Well. Long story short, I was reminded that I was the one with the car.. and after thinking about it for ten minutes, I left class eager to see my family and friends. Let's just say if hell froze over then that's what I had to drive through. I have never driven with such undivided focus.. I couldn't even change the cd that was playing!! Luckily for me, I had a friend on speed dial :) Ha, but seriously. I was scared. Talking helped. A ton. 

Seeing my family was great :) There really is nowhere like home. 

And BYU?? Well.. still not a fan, but Wyview isn't so bad. They do have comfy couches ;)

And... right now? I've been up for 23 hours. That's what happens when you watch 2 creepy ghost movies til 2:30 a.m. and then end up talking with Chlesh all night. Haha college is grand :D

Always

As of late I've had a lot on my mind, friends being one of the more pressing matters. College and living on your own for the very first time is.. interesting. There's parts you love. And there's things that you hate. People you connect with and people who irritate the crap out of you. As I said before, interesting.

I've come to realize that college has a way of showing who the true friends are. Sure, it's about making new friends, but I think it's also about discovering the true sides of people. Yourself included. Confused? Let me explain it with a story.

Once upon a time I had a couple high school classes with this one girl. We were those friends who would mock each other whenever we saw one another, but didn't really hang out outside of school. She definitely made Stats and English more bearable. Well. This truly amazing thing happened called Graduation. Then came summer. Me and this one girl, we hung out every once in awhile. A midnight showing to Hunger Games here, local carnival there.. nothin too fancy or formal. Just bored teenagers in a small town. Ooh, and I can't forget the ever more common visits to each other's work. Harassment at its greatest I'll admit :) Good memories :) And, when I was in a very generous mood, a run to Panda for said friend.

But in walked the biggest change of my life. Moving to college. Living on my own with Chelsea and 4 strangers.. Now, you have to understand that no matter how I describe this, nothing is going to give it justice.. No matter who you are, when you do something new for the first time you're going to have issues. Well, somewhere along this life transition me and this girl started texting every day. Oh, and see, she goes to BYU. Lame I know. I'm disappointed too... Anyhow, we began talking and sharing our troubles with one another. I tell her what's on my mind and she gives me her advice (Most commonly it's pray about it.. which.. not gonna lie has helped me out a ton. This girl is wisdom I'm tellin ya) and when she has a problem or a complaint or whatever, well thats when I turn into the listening ear. And as sarcastic as I am, believe it or not I do have some tidbits of magical wisdom to share. 

I honestly don't know what I would do without this amazing example in my life. She has helped me through some sticky situations.. like.. murder was in the making. Having that person who I can trust without fail.. it's amazing. It really is. Whether I need to vent, complain, seek guidance or even share good news. She's always there for me, and me for her, and I love her. Ha, whoever said long distance relationships don't work obviously needs to try going to college ;) 

Now, to tie this back to my main point. Back in High School, and I'm just being honest here, but this wasn't a relationship that I predicted. I mean sure we were friends, but now? Ha she knows my head like nobody else... yeah yeah, poor girl I know.. but really. I'm forever grateful :) 

Leaders of Tomorrow

I've been in Cedar for a month. It's crazy, but now I consider this my home. My roommates are my family and school? Well its really not that bad :)

I'm taking 15 credits: American Economy, Intro to Computer Literacy (it's lame. It's exactly like computer tech in high school.. but that just means it's easy so I'm not complaining). Microeconomics (I thought this was going to be my most difficult class, but so far it's not too hard), umm.. my Univ 1040 class which is an intro to the EDGE program here at SUU (my professor is a PhD in Philosophy so that's definitely an interesting class). I'm taking a Book of Mormon Institute class and lastly but definitely not least Army ROTC (Reserve Officers' Training Corps).

Didn't expect that last one?? Yeah. Me neither.

Here's the short version.

I originally registered for Calculus II... but after one day I decided it wasn't worth it. But dropping that class dropped my 16 credit hours down to 12, which meant I needed a replacement. There was ROTC, no obligations and lots of fun (paintballing, helicopter ride, rappelling (they lied. We never got to rappel), weapons training and way more cool activities) or some required general ed class. It took me a couple days but I registered for the ROTC class. Obviously. Otherwise I wouldn't be talking about it.

I have been issued tons of gear: ACU (the digi cam army uniform), LBV (a vest. Apparently it's Vietnam War era.. but still. Its way cool), rucksack, duffel bag, boots, hat, gloves, PT uniform and jacket.. Its a lot of stuff.

I have class Tuesday morning right after Institute and then on Thursdays a lab from 2:30 - 4:50. That's where we go out and practice different drills and formations and such. Yesterday we did ambushes and other drills. I have to say, at the beginning I wasn't too excited (then again the Major did tell us we had to fill our rucksack with rocks and hike to the C.. that would have been brutal.. luckily he was kidding. Some joke.) but by the end I was proud of myself and feeling accomplished. Friday mornings are PT (physical training). Bright and early.. 6-7, which means I have to get up at 5 otherwise I don't get up.

Oh so during Flight School a couple weeks ago Thor (the mascot) was 'kidnapped' by ROTC and sent to 'boot camp'. Our first home football game was this past Saturday and ROTC was unveiling the new Thor. I decided I would be a part of that. A group of us got together, marched on the football field during halftime, did our thing, then marched off. At the beginning I was super nervous. My dear roommates whom I love so much were mocking me (all in good fun, no worries) telling me I was going to trip. Well. Come game day and waiting around on the steps out of sight from the crowd my knees got all shaky and I was suddenly worried that I would trip... I didn't :) Walking out I was glad that I had volunteered for this. Glad that I could help represent. And glad that I did not trip.

Photo by Kathy Poore and her poor phone:)

I've found that this is a love-hate relationship. I love some of the stuff we do, but the exercise is super tough. And I'm not a morning person. But besides those 2 things I could actually maybe see myself getting involved. For real.. I don't know. I won't rule it out though.

Another thing I've discovered is I'm way more self confident. After lab or PT I'm exhausted but still alive. Ha that's seriously how I think. I come home and I'm alive. I didn't die and I didn't fall behind so I'm proud of myself and what I've accomplished that day.

My future is a mystery, but I can already tell that this experience will impact me for the positive and I'll be a better person for it.