Life: A Reflection of Perception

Life is a funny thing. A chaotic and messy and blessed thing.

For the past 2 1/2 years I have been so caught up in the intricacies of life that I forgot how much I value the written word. Through writing, I am able to make sense of all the nonsense floating around in my mind. Putting my thoughts onto paper (or screen) makes them real. I've missed that. 

Teaching in Thailand pushed me far outside my comfort zone. I didn't realize I had so much growing up to do, but I was changed in a way that I never thought possible. In a similar, but very different way, this semester has dropped me to the breaking point I didn't know I had. Moving forward in light of such darkness is a conscious effort, and, more often than not, I find myself getting caught up in all the negative aspects of any given situation. Without fully realizing it, I end up losing sight of the good things in my life. That ends now.

Last week I had to facilitate a 3 hour discussion in my Industrial Organizational Psychology course. Naturally, that was the day I had been dreading all semester. 20 minute presentations are bad enough, but 3 hours?! Heck, I can drive to PG in 3 hours! Talk about perspective :P I was so focused on the seemingly endless challenge and the the possibility of failure that I had a hard time even acknowledging the potential for success. I knew the chapter I was to teach forwards and backwards, but confidence was hard to find. It wasn't until after I had survived the dreaded day that I recognized how far I've come.

A few months ago, life suddenly became crazier than ever. In spite of that, Chelsea and I turned a simple class project into a published, peer reviewed article in SUU's academic journal. I came up with and started working on my undergraduate thesis - you know, the one I don't have to do to graduate, but feel oddly compelled to do anyway. I successfully led a 3 hour discussion.

I've always been good at school, but it wasn't until a few days ago that I figured out why. School pushes me to do and become better. Daunting tasks that seem impossible slowly become a reality as, day by day, I take small steps that propel me ever-forward, toward my potential.
Graduation is right around the corner and, honestly, that scares me. A lot. That's the thing about life, though; it's messy and it's scary, but the challenges we face today prepare us for the person we need to be tomorrow. Growth is possible because of our challenges. Because of the the occasional and sometimes lasting bad, the good parts of life can be sweeter, more meaningful.
Life can be messy, but ultimately it is our choices that dictate how the situation will play out. I firmly believe that with the right attitude, any situation can become an opportunity for growth and enlightenment.
Life is a reflection of perception.

Soaking Life In :)

It's only been 2 months since I last wrote. I guess that in and of itself is the epitome of working while going to school :)

At the beginning of the semester my roommate Kaila and I hiked Kanarraville Falls for FHE as a combined activity. It was our ward (the 20th) and the 14th ward. Now, as it is I didn't know many people in my ward, and there was no way I knew anyone in the 14th... except I did. While hiking I ran into Leslie, a friend from dad's ward. What are the chances, right?? That was fun.

Fast forward a few weeks...

I finally convinced Chels to go climb a random mountain with me.

Surprisingly, it only took about an hour to get to the top, but ah, it was the highlight of my entire week. The view was amazing and afterwards I was only sore for, like, 4 days, haha :P

Next, I got to take Vlad to Fear class.

Remember show and tell back in elementary school? Yeah, it was like that, except I didn't hate it; I loved it :D

Oh, and then I got to sit in the window during class a few times. That was pretty cool. It made it kinda hard to contribute to the class from up there... but it was fun nonetheless :)

..That's only about 10 feet higher than everyone else..

Speaking of Fear. Yesterday our professors took our entire class (about 15 students) and locked us in a dark closet about 8' by 4'... That sounds big, but most of it was full of library storage.

Why would they do that to us??

Well, besides the obvious (it's a fear class), they were trying to demonstrate being locked behind a mirror, like we read in Coraline. It got extremely hot super fast, but besides that it was kinda fun :)

My newspaper job is going pretty well. I've written more stories than I can count, a few of which have been front-page worthy! Honestly though, I'm just ready to be done. 3 more issues before the end of the semester! Hallelujah!

And for the best news of all. You ready for it?

I'm going to Thailand on a volunteer abroad through ILP to teach young students English. That's right. I leave in January. I am so psyched for this. Sure I've traveled before, but never on my own and never longer than 2 weeks. But I'll be living in Thailand for 4 months! Crazy, right?

See, a lot of my friends are either already on their missions or will be leaving soon and I just kept having this feeling that I needed to do something more with my life while I'm still young. A mission did cross my mind... but no, that's not for me. But then I went to an International Language Programs meeting (they bribed students by paying them to come. Heck yeah I went!) and by the end of the day my application was sent in. Everything else just seemed to fall perfectly into place after that. But wanna know the best part? It feels right. I'm scared to leave the US for that long and teach kids (if any of you know me then you know patience isn't my strong suit), but at the same time I want to be spontaneous for once. I want to play with tigers and elephants and do something I wouldn't normally consider. Plus, if I can make a difference in even one person's life while I'm there, then all the better.

I've traveled, and I know what traveling does to me. It makes me rethink my life and my priorities, helps me find the deeper meaning behind things, and ultimately, I become more grateful for what I have. Last time I traveled was... wow.. only 3 months ago. But hey, who says there's such a thing as too much gratitude and experience??

This is my time, and I'm going to do my darndest to make the most out of it!

On a completely unrelated note, Vlad's still alive and I haven't been kicked out of my apartment yet :D

Life's Adventure

The past month has been one full of memories, bidding farewell, and saying hello.

After our Mexico trip Mom and I headed in the opposite direction: Canada.

We had a blast :) An eventful road-trip full of fur, stashing contraband, and hitting foxes was only the beginning. We surprised not only Taeta, but the Shipley cousins and the Kawas family. It was so good to see them all :D

And yes, Taeta has dead things in her house now :P

Kooper didn't like that at all.

  

Canada in a nutshell :D

This past month has seen 2 of my good friends off on missions. One to Minnesota, the other to the Mexico MTC to further prepare for El Salvador. I look up to these friends more than they will ever know. They're going to do amazing, I know it.

** I'm published!! I made my high school portion of this blog into a book. It's amazing! Thanks for your complete support an encouragement, Mom :D**

School started a week ago.

Haha, I can honestly say I never thought I'd enjoy school (especially living at school!!)... but I actually really love everything about it. I forgot just how much I loved Cedar until I came back. Call me crazy, but when I walked on campus that first day of job training I felt like I was home.

So far it's been pretty hectic. I'm pulling 16 credits this semester...

Intro to Criminal Justice

Psychology as a Science and Profession

Stress and Pain

Fear (Honors)

Institute

Criminal Investigations

Oh yeah, I declared myself as a double major in Criminal Justice and Psychology :D

Plus, I also have a job!!

I'm a reporter for the University Journal :)

I actually really enjoy getting to know people and staying busy all the time. And it doesn't hurt that my editors keep complimenting my writing style :) A few of my stories have already been front-page worthy!! I'm psyched! 

There are some days when I am completely stressed and overwhelmed with upcoming story deadlines... but then an editor will praise my writing and in that moment the pressure fades and I feel like I've conquered the world :D

*If you're interested you can check out our paper at suunews.com*

School is stress, yes. But it's also one of the best times to learn who you are and who you want to become. It's a huge step in life and I am doing all I can to take advantage of every single moment. I hope that one day I can look back at this time and be proud of all that I was able to accomplish. I want to learn.. but I also want to have fun. Lots and lots of fun. 

Here's to another school year, one filled with friends, both old and new, and more memories than I know what to do with :D

Chapters

First off, Mexico was amazing!

   

 

We flew to Phoenix, picked up our rental car (yes, that's a Ford Mustang convertible!), then drove across the Mexican border (ridiculously easy I might add, at the border the Mexicans just waved us through...) to Puerto Penasco. Fresh coconut. Fresh mango. Shells galore. Top notch food. Restaurants with a view. Quality time with mom. It was so much fun :D

On a different note, one of my best friends just left on her mission.

14 months ago Nicole and I went to a carnival. Despite having multiple classes together in high school, that was the first time we hung out. After that.. we became close. She attended BYU and I was living down in Cedar City going to SUU. However, distance didn't matter. Somehow we were both able to open up to each other in a record amount of time. We shared our highs and our lows, our triumphs and our struggles. When there was no one else, we had each other. And while I can't speak for her, it felt good to have a friend who I knew I could count on. No matter what.

Going on a mission is no small choice, and I commend Nicole for being able to make this one. It wasn't easy. But I know without a doubt that she will make a great missionary.

Running Free.

Running away from your problems doesn’t solve anything. We’ve all heard this simple truth, but sometimes things go bad. After all, life is a test full of twists and snags. The Lion King's Timon and Pumbaa teach that the good life is one in which there are ‘no rules, no responsibilities and best of all, no worries.’ While this proved right in Simba’s life for many years.. eventually the consequences of his actions caught up with him, as they inevitably will.
I don’t believe that we are defined by the moments and situations around us, but rather how we handle them. Do we crumble under the pressure or smile through the pain? When everything turns upside down and backwards it can be really hard to look up and find your balance. But you know what I’ve found? Dwelling on all the bad isn’t worth it. Nothing good comes from dwelling. Here’s a Pintrest quote for you: “Your bad attitude is like a flat tire: You can’t go anywhere unless you change it.”

We aren’t given challenges that we can’t manage. The fact of the matter is that our challenges are meant to strengthen us. With this in mind how can we *not* look to the Lord and know that in the end everything will be alright?? Keep your chin up and seek out the good in everything. It’ll make even the bleakest of times seem.. well.. not so bleak :)

Following the same train of thought,
“Isn’t it funny? The things we don’t do that are right in front of us?” –Julie
How can we live life to the fullest if we aren’t actually living?? Here's to putting some trust in the life we've been given and making the best out of bad situations.

Living Life

Living Life.. It's true that life changes, but you know what I've found? It only gets better.

Ha, you want to know what else I've learned?

It's better to enjoy life. Enjoy the moment and think not of the future, because if you think of what's coming, you don't give thought as to what's happening.

Enjoy the moment before it becomes a memory. It's easier to be happy:)

Weekend Away

Yesterday I came to 2 very important realizations.

1) I haven't been sick this past school year. At all. Do you know how awesome that is? I can't remember the last time I went a full school year without getting sick. *knock on wood* Watch me get sick this week for finals :/

2) Once I get an idea in my head there's no stopping me. Looking back, I notice this a lot. If either Chels or I even mention the word 'Subway' then it's as good as a done deal. Also, many of my spontaneous drives home have been due to a simple spoken word. Actually... just about all of them. Off the top of my head I can think of 3 instances:
~ That time Chels went home and, after a word from a friend, I made a separate trip up.
~ Spontaneous trip to and from Nevada in one night.
~ Ditching Cedar the weekend before finals (*cough* right now)
Those are just the examples I can think of right now... which is pretty impressive considering how late it is.

I keep typing out half sentences, but then deciding it doesn't make sense and deleting it. I think that means it's bedtime... Night!

Highlights

I was recently reading through a bunch of old posts and I realized I've been missing out. When I write it allows me to go through the highs of my day and pick out the points I want to remember. It gives me a chance to think about what's been going on and add a little depth to my life. Haha, plus, I really do enjoy reading past posts.

So. In an attempt to regain this love I'm going to share the highs of my last few days. Why? Because highlights are what keep the world a happy place. Just roll with it :D

It all started a couple days ago when Chels wanted help with her art project. It involved paper and a candle.. Interest peaked I followed her outside and behind the dumpster. Sketchy, right? Oh, it was awesome :D

Believe it or not, strategic fire play takes a little time to get the hang of.

But it wasn't long before we... ok, I... was having too much fun. Chels was too worried about her project turning to ash. Ha, it's too bad I can't say the worry was unfounded...

Ya know... it's really hard to get a deep enough breath to blow out a flame when you're laughing uncontrollably..

Really though. This was grand fun. I can't remember the last time I enjoyed art so much ;) The smoke smell lingering on our clothes... How do you top an evening like that?? Exactly. You can't.

And yet... it's possible.

Missionary letters do wonders :) 

I really hadn't thought my night could get any better, but then it did! Ally just left on her mission for Boston and, even though we were never close friends, I've always admired her. So I wrote her a letter. Honestly, I didn't expect a letter back.. but holy dang. Sweetest letter I've ever gotten. 

That was Thursday. 

Friday held it's own fun with a Voice Male concert. Ha, I didn't think old guys singing a-cappella could be so entertaining :)

And nothing says 'Today's going to be awesome' like a surprise visit from a best friend. One friend to start the day off and then another to end it... My past 3 days have been abounding in highlights and what says grateful like writing it down?

When you give meaning to all the awesome little good things that happen, it does so much to create a positive and happier attitude. Look for the bright side. You'll find it. 

Even on moonless nights the stars always shine.

Random Draft?

You know what's odd? A random draft called 'Chelsea Burkholder' that's been sitting in my posts folder since August 30th. The weird part? I didn't write it. Ha, luckily for me the title says it all ;) The post goes like this:

Chelsea Burkholder

What can I say? This girl is amazing. Sheer talent. I'm so lucky to be her roommate. I honestly can't put my joy into words... it's unreal. I love her lots :D And Karely? Ah man... she's amazing. She puts ice on her face sometimes, but who doesn't? It's all good... how could life be any better?

I must admit, this is the first time I've read that in a long while. I get a laugh every time. Why? Simply because under all that humility there is a speck of truth. Only a speck, mind you. ;)

Haha, but really. These two have become truly amazing friends. I know I can count on them and they have helped to make my first year of college unforgettable. Thank you. I look forward to the adventures that next semester will bring :)

Each Moment

I was reading my scrips when I heard a car start. Yesterday my car decided to play dead, and I dunno, this just got me thinking. There is so much that we take for granted. How often do we stop and take a moment to be grateful for all that we are blessed with?

Cars. Computers. Phones. Credit/Debit cards. Cameras. Headphones. Jumper cables. Zip drives. Having a roof over your head. Mattress. Books. Music. The internet. Color. Fans. The clicker on your car keys so you don't actually have to use the key. Stamps. Letters. Post Officers. AC. An abundance of knowledge. Education. Friends. Family. Pets. Truth. Jobs. Life.

Trust me, this list could go on for awhile. A couple years ago I kept a gratitude journal. You know, I haven't thought about that in a long time, but really. When you seek out the good, everything just seems so much brighter. It's like when the sun is shining after a long and cold winter.. Nothing is better than feeling those hot rays at that moment. I feel like this is what gratitude is. It's looking at the bright side and being thankful for what you do have. Simply the act of slowing down to give appreciation.. this is what turns an ordinary day into one of miracles and absolute perfection.

 I have a list on my phone of things I've been wanting to write about, but just haven't gotten to yet. Well. I'm writing now, so here goes.

Short term vs. long term. About a month ago I heard this song by Avril Lavigne called What the Hell. Now, I'll admit, I enjoy this song more than I should.. but that's not the point. It is so easy for the long term goals to get pushed to the back of your mind, to think 'What the hell,' and take the short term fun over what's important in the long run. It happens. Haha, and you know what? Sometimes the fun is definitely worth it.. However.. tell yourself 'What the hell,' enough and guess what? The reasons behind your end goal begin to fade. Once that happens it's hard to see why you need to change, why 'what the hell' won't cut it. Know where you want to go in life and make the decisions to get there. It's not always easy, but nobody said it would be. Continue making those active choices and you'll end up where you want to be. Don't lose sight of what's important. Keep your long term in mind.

Everything matters. Every single thought and feeling and word.. actions, standards.. all of it. Every bit of what makes you *you* are in the pieces that often get tossed aside. Nobody likes to feel vulnerable, and it seems like sometimes in order to avoid that we brush off whatever was on our mind with 'It doesn't matter.' The truth is that we are important. Each and every one of us. And because we matter, what we think and feel and do matters as well. It's easy to get caught up in the rush of the world.. to forget who you are and think 'what the hell.' But no.. the choices you make now truly do matter. You can make a difference that only you can make. There's nobody else exactly like you. 

Be grateful all your days and live in such a way that each moment is pushing you toward the person you want to be in the long term. Enjoy each moment.

LIVE & LAUGH :D

To Go or Not To Go?

You know those times when life is good? Everything is working out and the stress isn't overwhelming.. It's wonderful, right?? But then life jumps in and says, "Wait, you're happy? Let's spice it up a bit." Haha yeah...... life is grand sometimes :P

Seriously though. Sure, the twist may be far from ideal.. however.. that shouldn't detract from the value of the experience. There is so much to learn about life, others, and yourself in these types of moments and I honestly can say that I wouldn't give up that 25 hours for anything.
It's true, I was rash.. but I learned what's important to me: my family. Nothing matters more than them. I know I'm not the best at showing it, but when it comes down to it, family will always come out the top priority. I guess sometimes I just need a bit of a reminder :P
Also.. communication is important. Don't forget that. Everything can be fixed with communication. Running away from your problems won't solve anything.. Granted, neither does a lack of judgement.. :P But hey. It worked out in the end as it always will.

About a week and a half ago a good friend asked me something along the lines of.. "How would you treat somebody if you saw them at their weakest, most vulnerable?" And you know.. I can't think of anything better than having my friends be there for me when I needed them. Seriously. I was far from enjoyable company and yet, they helped me out in any way they could. Feeding and packing me lunch, insisting on dinner and losing a night of sleep... It all meant so much to me. Thank you.

Words are powerful, but it's the proof behind the words.. the actions.. that make all the difference. Whether that be responding to an impossible call or packing a bag in advance... I've come to learn that the only way for people to *know* that you care is to show them. Simple as that.

Flashbacks

Call me crazy, but when my English professor pulled out white paper and crayons... my heart dropped. My one thought was 'Crap. I shoulda skipped today :/' Haha and yes, I was thinking a slanty face :P Not really. But I was probably making a slanty face.

Anyhow.

We were told to think back as far as we could remember and draw our earliest neighborhood. Accepting the fact that my drawing would be no masterpiece, I began drawing my old block. I was amazed at how many details I was able to recall once I got started. Names I haven't thought of in years came to mind, memories, smells.. I was surprised. The more I began to remember, the more I tried to draw. It was fascinating, I felt like I was a little kid again and everything in the world was so simple... I kind of loved it. Once we had our neighborhood maps drawn we were told to pick a single memory and just start writing about it. Nonstop, no editing, just writing. Holy.... I thought I had remembered all there was to remember, but DANG was I wrong. Once I started writing about a specific experience so many more details came back. It's true, some may have been slightly made up, blanks my mind was trying to fill in.. but the majority were solid.

I guess the point I'm trying to make is that even if we forget things from our past, they're still there. Sometimes all it takes is a little digging. It's super impressive what you're able to recall by doing such a simple thing like drawing a picture. 

On a completely different note... Tricking a trickster is tricky business. Just in case you were wondering :P

Perspective.

Once upon a time I intended to write this deep and thought-provoking post.. but it was late, so instead I jotted down some notes and told myself I'd expand on them later. Yeah.. its been a week and my thoughts have become rather jumbled since then, but I'll give it a shot.

Well. For one thing I've noticed that time has become a recurring theme in my posts as of late. But hey, reminders are good, right?

It became very clear to me last week that time is short and no matter how well you think you have a handle on life.. you don't know when time will run out. Life is a precious thing and I feel like it gets taken for granted. A lot. Don't waste the time you've been given. Don't just tell someone what they mean to you, show it. Say the words, but prove them with your actions. Why? Well, what if something happened and you never got the chance again? Seriously.. 

Priorities people. Keep ‘em straight. We take for granted all that we have.. life in and of itself is the gift of all gifts. Use yours wisely. Whether you throw pudding at a hobo or help a mugged guy.. serve your fellow man. Always. You have no idea what is going on in their life and you never know what a kind word or a bit of your time can do. The difference you can make... It's impossible for you to know the reality of the impact you have on another. It's not measured and you can't see it, but its there and most often the slightest of deeds can make the biggest difference to someone. I promise you that.

{Side note: This new Phillip Phillips cd.. The World From the Side of the Moon. Amazing. Best rejected Christmas present I've ever given.}

I have this friend, and for the sake of anonymity I'm going to call her Pam Breedwell. Just cuz I can :D Haha but anyway, I recently found out that she hates, absolutely hates, puzzles. It was because of this conversation I had with deary Pam that I made this little realization:

Life is a puzzle. Be patient and enjoy the journey. It doesn’t last so savor each piece, each moment and watch as your big picture unfolds. How the pieces begin to fit together and create something larger than themselves.. how the individual experiences join together to create you and the life you lead. It turns into a colorful canvas. 

And lastly...

Quotes. Nowadays there is so much bad in the world.. and yet despite that, there are still so many gems and wisdom words hidden throughout the bits of everyday life. The brilliant one liners in movies.. Lyrics in a song. Once you start paying attention you’ll find that there is so much to be found. Words you can relate to. Words that inspire. Words that you don't ever want to forget...

Time is short. Everything matters. Keep the eternal things in perspective and you'll find that the world seems a whole lot less bleak than it sometimes feels. 

Bits and Pieces

After 14 weeks I find myself amazed at what life has brought. I've always been scared of change. Little or big.. it's intimidating. The unknown is.. well, it's unknown. But you know what? I've come to realize that this big scary move to college.. it's not scary at all. 

Classes are over. It's finals week. And what am I thinking?? I can't stop thinking about how great college is. 

The friends I've made, the late night chats with Chels, the all-nighters, watching tv on my laptop in the dark with headphones in while Chels does the same 3 feet away, chillin in the living room socializing (Shleb, socialize? Crazy huh??), skyping a certain byu-goer, cooking my own meals (eating nothing but junk food), editing a friend's paper on a Friday night, the awful quotes that make it into 304's Quote Book, the random sticky notes from my roommates..

The more I think about it, the more I appreciate every moment that I've had here in Cedar. It's weird that my first semester is almost over.. so much has happened, and yet there is still so much in store.

Just Keep Swimming :D

Sometimes 2 of my best friends come down to Cedar for a swim meet. And sometimes I go watch and visit with them.

Easily the best way to spend my Friday afternoon.. surrounded by people I love from the place I call home. Was there a live Slender game being played on campus that I wanted to be a part of? Yeah, there was. Tell me this though. How often are my friends in town?? I've come to realize that my friends are high on my priority list. I would do almost anything for a friend in need. I love my friends. And as I've come to recently find out, my 3 best friends are all planning on leaving for missions. Don't get me wrong, I'm immensely proud of each of them and I know they'll be amazing servants to the Lord.. But  time suddenly means everything. Every minute I spend with them is a minute I will treasure and hold dear.

After the meet I found my Chlesh and joined her Slender group. I spotted the 3rd note... and then we died. The 2 Slenders ganged up on us :/ haha but I'm glad I got to play for a bit. The rest of the night was spent with Chlesh watching scary ghost movies and talking. All. Night. Long. I've been awake for 33 hours... And I've only had one coke today :D Haha :D This morning I went back to the Aquatic Center and cheered for my friends. Made some new ones as well. All in all, pretty much everything about today has been great.

The most important thing about today?? I want my friends to know that if they need anything I will be there. No matter what. What time, where I am.. It doesn't matter. I will do my best to help and support you, because you matter to me.

Slowing Down to Enjoy the Journey

Intentions get lost in the hustle and bustle of everyday life. Nothing happens and yet memories get left behind. Time goes by, people and situations change, you change. In the moment it feels like everything is back to how it was.. except it's not. Life is ever moving forward and all you can do is take it one step at a time.

I've come to realize that time is precious. With every passing day I see little things that make me happy, that make smile and laugh, those tiny seemingly insignificant bits of everyday life that in fact make up the high of my day are slowly fading from my memory. 

So here's to the memories. Lessons learned and time well spent.

Fall Break:

Road trip with my 5 Cent... ha definitely a much needed break for the both of us. Every bit of the 3 days was worth it. Only a handful of friends have seen that side of who I am.. and I wonder. What's it like to new eyes? The never-ending sage brush, hills, and mountains. The pastures speckled with hundreds of cattle and horses. The brilliant night sky, completely... perfect.  

FTX Field Training Exercise:

Plain and simple?? I feel like even though the majority of my military experience comes from a college class, I have gained enough to realize how much these men and women sacrifice for our country. Even the basics that I've been lucky enough to learn have taught me so much about the soldiers who fight for us. Their determination, courage and utmost strength and sense of sacrifice. It's an adventure and way of life that can be found nowhere else.. The stories I've heard, the atmosphere I feel when surrounded by military soldiers... Its amazing. I absolutely love it.

Also. I've discovered that when it comes to long/important trips... I don't like to be spontaneous. It stresses me out. I plan. Simple as that. Once upon a time I was in my kill me now class and I asked Nicole to come kill me. Or kidnap me. Either way.. that class is awful. Well. Long story short, I was reminded that I was the one with the car.. and after thinking about it for ten minutes, I left class eager to see my family and friends. Let's just say if hell froze over then that's what I had to drive through. I have never driven with such undivided focus.. I couldn't even change the cd that was playing!! Luckily for me, I had a friend on speed dial :) Ha, but seriously. I was scared. Talking helped. A ton. 

Seeing my family was great :) There really is nowhere like home. 

And BYU?? Well.. still not a fan, but Wyview isn't so bad. They do have comfy couches ;)

And... right now? I've been up for 23 hours. That's what happens when you watch 2 creepy ghost movies til 2:30 a.m. and then end up talking with Chlesh all night. Haha college is grand :D

Always

As of late I've had a lot on my mind, friends being one of the more pressing matters. College and living on your own for the very first time is.. interesting. There's parts you love. And there's things that you hate. People you connect with and people who irritate the crap out of you. As I said before, interesting.

I've come to realize that college has a way of showing who the true friends are. Sure, it's about making new friends, but I think it's also about discovering the true sides of people. Yourself included. Confused? Let me explain it with a story.

Once upon a time I had a couple high school classes with this one girl. We were those friends who would mock each other whenever we saw one another, but didn't really hang out outside of school. She definitely made Stats and English more bearable. Well. This truly amazing thing happened called Graduation. Then came summer. Me and this one girl, we hung out every once in awhile. A midnight showing to Hunger Games here, local carnival there.. nothin too fancy or formal. Just bored teenagers in a small town. Ooh, and I can't forget the ever more common visits to each other's work. Harassment at its greatest I'll admit :) Good memories :) And, when I was in a very generous mood, a run to Panda for said friend.

But in walked the biggest change of my life. Moving to college. Living on my own with Chelsea and 4 strangers.. Now, you have to understand that no matter how I describe this, nothing is going to give it justice.. No matter who you are, when you do something new for the first time you're going to have issues. Well, somewhere along this life transition me and this girl started texting every day. Oh, and see, she goes to BYU. Lame I know. I'm disappointed too... Anyhow, we began talking and sharing our troubles with one another. I tell her what's on my mind and she gives me her advice (Most commonly it's pray about it.. which.. not gonna lie has helped me out a ton. This girl is wisdom I'm tellin ya) and when she has a problem or a complaint or whatever, well thats when I turn into the listening ear. And as sarcastic as I am, believe it or not I do have some tidbits of magical wisdom to share. 

I honestly don't know what I would do without this amazing example in my life. She has helped me through some sticky situations.. like.. murder was in the making. Having that person who I can trust without fail.. it's amazing. It really is. Whether I need to vent, complain, seek guidance or even share good news. She's always there for me, and me for her, and I love her. Ha, whoever said long distance relationships don't work obviously needs to try going to college ;) 

Now, to tie this back to my main point. Back in High School, and I'm just being honest here, but this wasn't a relationship that I predicted. I mean sure we were friends, but now? Ha she knows my head like nobody else... yeah yeah, poor girl I know.. but really. I'm forever grateful :) 

Leaders of Tomorrow

I've been in Cedar for a month. It's crazy, but now I consider this my home. My roommates are my family and school? Well its really not that bad :)

I'm taking 15 credits: American Economy, Intro to Computer Literacy (it's lame. It's exactly like computer tech in high school.. but that just means it's easy so I'm not complaining). Microeconomics (I thought this was going to be my most difficult class, but so far it's not too hard), umm.. my Univ 1040 class which is an intro to the EDGE program here at SUU (my professor is a PhD in Philosophy so that's definitely an interesting class). I'm taking a Book of Mormon Institute class and lastly but definitely not least Army ROTC (Reserve Officers' Training Corps).

Didn't expect that last one?? Yeah. Me neither.

Here's the short version.

I originally registered for Calculus II... but after one day I decided it wasn't worth it. But dropping that class dropped my 16 credit hours down to 12, which meant I needed a replacement. There was ROTC, no obligations and lots of fun (paintballing, helicopter ride, rappelling (they lied. We never got to rappel), weapons training and way more cool activities) or some required general ed class. It took me a couple days but I registered for the ROTC class. Obviously. Otherwise I wouldn't be talking about it.

I have been issued tons of gear: ACU (the digi cam army uniform), LBV (a vest. Apparently it's Vietnam War era.. but still. Its way cool), rucksack, duffel bag, boots, hat, gloves, PT uniform and jacket.. Its a lot of stuff.

I have class Tuesday morning right after Institute and then on Thursdays a lab from 2:30 - 4:50. That's where we go out and practice different drills and formations and such. Yesterday we did ambushes and other drills. I have to say, at the beginning I wasn't too excited (then again the Major did tell us we had to fill our rucksack with rocks and hike to the C.. that would have been brutal.. luckily he was kidding. Some joke.) but by the end I was proud of myself and feeling accomplished. Friday mornings are PT (physical training). Bright and early.. 6-7, which means I have to get up at 5 otherwise I don't get up.

Oh so during Flight School a couple weeks ago Thor (the mascot) was 'kidnapped' by ROTC and sent to 'boot camp'. Our first home football game was this past Saturday and ROTC was unveiling the new Thor. I decided I would be a part of that. A group of us got together, marched on the football field during halftime, did our thing, then marched off. At the beginning I was super nervous. My dear roommates whom I love so much were mocking me (all in good fun, no worries) telling me I was going to trip. Well. Come game day and waiting around on the steps out of sight from the crowd my knees got all shaky and I was suddenly worried that I would trip... I didn't :) Walking out I was glad that I had volunteered for this. Glad that I could help represent. And glad that I did not trip.

Photo by Kathy Poore and her poor phone:)

I've found that this is a love-hate relationship. I love some of the stuff we do, but the exercise is super tough. And I'm not a morning person. But besides those 2 things I could actually maybe see myself getting involved. For real.. I don't know. I won't rule it out though.

Another thing I've discovered is I'm way more self confident. After lab or PT I'm exhausted but still alive. Ha that's seriously how I think. I come home and I'm alive. I didn't die and I didn't fall behind so I'm proud of myself and what I've accomplished that day.

My future is a mystery, but I can already tell that this experience will impact me for the positive and I'll be a better person for it.

I Survived

I survived day two of my SUU experience. ✔

This morning was rough.. but I actually feel like I'm adjusting. Slowly.

I bought my mailbox, made my first dinner, and found a list of potential jobs. Pinecone picker being the top on the list... but hey a job's a job.

The Page Has Turned

Its been a month.. I'm terrible I know. My most deep and sincere apologizes to those of you who actually read the ramblings of my mind. With a fresh start comes goals. I am hereby swearing to be better at my blog-keeping... well I'll try to anyway;)

I am beginning life anew. Seeing through a different perspective, that of a freshman college student living outside the valley that has been home to me my whole life. Though the same rules apply.. they don't. I am on my own.. and yet I'm not. It's school.. but it's more than just school. The page has turned and the next chapter is heading the page in bold letters.

This is happening.

I say that, and yet it hasn't hit home yet. 

The hardest thing I did today was say goodbye to my mom.. She was leaving and I was staying. But from the moment I walked away until now there hasn't been more than ten minutes when I haven't been surrounded by people I love. Chelsea, though she may not realize it, is keeping me from the meltdown I know is coming. The one where I question why I'm here. I know this is where I'm supposed to be, but in the moment its hard to comprehend the bigger picture. All you see is the small bubble labeled 'comfort zone' and how it is miles and miles away from you... But. As I said, it hasn't hit home yet. My friends here are keeping me grounded and with the familiarity that they carry, they are my sole link to my keeping it together. 

This post isn't meant to be a downer. In all honesty I have enjoyed almost every moment of today. I have met new people, listened to an exceptional speaker, tie dyed, walked around campus and watched a movie with the best friend I have here. I am going to love my time as a student, maybe not so much the tests and studying and the school aspect of it, but all the experiences in between.

Thank you to all who have supported me. I wouldn't be where I am now if it weren't for each of you.

Wish me luck!